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Question: My bf and i have been together 3yrs. his family wants to buy my kids christmas gifts. i am not ok with this..?

(Posted by: Tess N on 2008-12-15 11:37:46)

My bf and i have been together for 3yrs. for the most part we have kept my kids separate from our dating. His family is pressuring us to get married and they have accepted me with open arms. my bf is still on the fence. Although he is trying to get more involved. I am not so sure he is ready and I don't want his family to buy my kids gifts. I made the mistake of telling his sisters this and now i think I sounded weird. What can I do or how can I explain that my bf and i still have alot to work on without offending his family, which I think I already did? I don't want my kids to get attachted.. I don't feel comfortable just keeping quiet and accepting the gifts.

Posted by: broc1212 on 2008-12-15, 11:42:22

I get where your coming from..but allow them too. I would have the children write thank you notes. That way to the children its more that is family was being nice not the his family is their family. ( yet)

Posted by: Eccentric Spice on 2008-12-15, 11:40:50

It's okay for them to buy them gifts! I'm buying all the kids in my apartment building gifts. Doesn't mean they'll get some sort of attachment to me or anything. I think you're over-thinking the whole situation and making it bigger than it should be.

Posted by: Kevin S on 2008-12-15, 11:41:21

As long as its one small gift per child i dont see the big deal parents love seeing kids happy faces on christmas morning but remember you are the mom, you are in charge. what you says goes

Posted by: Melcee. on 2008-12-15, 11:41:23

I would accept anything giving. And give them something in return. And then you need to talk to him cause honestly if your going on with life an nothing has happend... Honestly,will anything?

Posted by: nitnatnoo on 2008-12-15, 11:41:27

I was reading it and i just got to his family wants to buy my kids... and i woz like :o

Posted by: sparkey on 2008-12-15, 11:41:30

Sorry but i dont see the problem ! my daughter has a 6 year old son and her boyfriend has a 5 year old daughter and we treat both the kids the same as do his parents

Posted by: Samantha on 2008-12-15, 11:41:57

If by now, you don't think you will stay with him, leave! Otherwise, there is nothing wrong with his family buying gifts for your kids.

Posted by: Josie W on 2008-12-15, 11:42:12

Why not u have been with him 3 yrs i think it is noce of them that thay have accepted you and your kids you should be happy

Posted by: Sheridan on 2008-12-15, 11:42:14

Explain to them, at least then you wont sound as if you were being snobby, just tell them what you feel, their your children and you dont want them to know them coz they might get hurt,

Posted by: Andy_bones! on 2008-12-15, 11:42:21

I would take the gifts. I mean, it's hard to find a guy out there that will take on the extra responsibility of children in a relationship. Sounds like he's got a nice family too. I'd just accept the gifts. I don't see anything in the world wrong with that.

Posted by: Merry Christmas & Happy Hannukah on 2008-12-15, 11:42:49

I see where you are coming from. Especially if you dont want your kids to start seeing your bfs parents as grandma and grandpa. But, its christmas, and I think you should let them do it. How old are your children? By next christmas they'll be over the gifts given to them.

Posted by: bklyn_40 on 2008-12-15, 11:42:53

Why not? If they want to get them gifts, & you don't care for the idea, just ask them to keep it simple and not spend a lot of $$$. It's Christmas time & Christmas is mostly about children.

Posted by: John on 2008-12-15, 11:42:55

It's a shame the family is offended, but they should be thinking of the kids instead of forcing their agenda. Unless you and your bf end up getting married, it is better for the children to be as distant as possible from the family so their is less to lose emotionally should you and the bf go your separate ways. The family may mean well but they need to be educated. You are right not to want the gifts and I'm surprised that the family doesn't want to respect the mother's wishes.

Posted by: hipzncurvz on 2008-12-15, 11:43:25

Ok, u want him enough to be with him for three years. obviously his family love you and your kids enough and look at your like family. why is it wrong for them to want to buy your kids gifts? u sound selfish and truly lost. one thing has nothing to do with the other. be lucky that u have a man that chose even with the kids and the family too. if u dont want your kids getting attached u need to get out of that relationship. u sound really young minded. get it together...

Posted by: Brown Water Drinker on 2008-12-15, 11:43:30

If they have gotten to know your children. It is there gift to give, now since your there mother I would understand that maybe you think some type of underlying message that they are considering you family. Well, 3 years of dating has way of allowing the "family " to get attached.

Posted by: moqui024 on 2008-12-15, 11:43:31

I think that you should let them buy your kids gifts, X-mas is a time for love and happiness and kids like gifts and will feel loved and appreciated. It does not matter who the gift is from kids are always greatful and get attached. I think his family is doing a beautiful gesture in buying them gifts and you should not deprive them of that. You and your man have a lot to work through, but let the kids be happy.

Posted by: volkswaffle on 2008-12-15, 11:43:45

If the family wants to accept you with open arms then you should allow those kids to have that same option. it seems a bit selfish to keep the kids in the shadow. if you've been together that long and you have already been accepted into his family that obviously means that they care for you. every aspect of your life affects your children. if you keep them out of the loop and then introduce them into it after the fact then your setting yourself up for disaster. let the kids be kids and let the family that obviously loves you love your kids as well.

Posted by: ~Smoochies~ on 2008-12-15, 11:45:45

I don't think buying them gifts will make your kids attached to them. And yes, you probably did sound weird as I have never heard of this happening before. Some people just like to buy kids toys, I do! Relax and enjoy Christmas, the kids will love more gifts. Perhaps you are having a hard time realizing that if you marry you will have to share your kids with your spouse and his family. I understand and that is perfectly normal. You will have to open up at some time.

Posted by: xanban88 on 2008-12-15, 11:46:07

I really think it's fine if they buy the kids gifts, don't you buy christmas gifts for friends' children? it's about the kids not about what relationship status you and your bf are at! you and him can deal with your relationship at your pace, it shouldn't hinder your kids from being kids and getting spoiled by grownups!

Posted by: Alexis on 2008-12-15, 11:46:50

Your between a rock and a hard place here you don't want to alienate your boyfriends family from your kids but you want to protect them in case it doesn't work. I think you need to explain this to his family that until he decides exactly what he wants from your relationship you don't feel comfortable with the children getting attached to the family because if it ends they will loose so much. I am sure if you say this as kindly as you can they will understand. I also understand how they feel though you are a part of his life and want to include your children and you should let them know you are very grateful for that ( a lot of families are not so welcoming)