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Question: Wondering what to do about wedding gifts ? can we have a money tree ?

(Posted by: Calla on 2010-03-10 03:45:49)

Has anyone heard of having a money tree at there wedding instead of getting gifts ? Is that rude ? I am getting married in June , but my man and I have lived together over 4 yrs . So we have all the things we need , Right now we can not afford a honey moon . So my friend said to have a money tree and have our guest give us money to help and and save for a Honey Moon ... I think it would be a big help , But is it rude and tacky or ok ?? What would you think if you went to a wedding where ppl asked more Money ???

Posted by: Master T on 2010-03-10, 03:51:40

Two points here. Yes, it's pretty rude to have a money tree at your wedding reception. It's like ASKING for money. The idea of wedding gifts is they are supposed to be a "gift ". If someone wants to give you something worth a lousy dollar, then you should be accepting it with grace and not complaining. Although I think the standard gift for a wedding these days, at least in my eyes, is $100 for the couple. Point number two is I am not even sure what you are fishing for here. If you've already lived together for 4 years, I can't understand having a wedding where you invite people. Just have a civil ceremony with the two of you. In my book, a true formal wedding is when a man and a woman come together for the first time - and the bride wears white. The idea of two people living together for 4 years and then announcing they are FINALLY going to get married is trying to mix the old with the new - sort of like hooking your iPod MP3 player up to your vintage 1970s Sound Design stereo. The result is just not quite right.

Posted by: John B on 2010-03-10, 03:52:46

Thats ok but some people would not be able to give much money and would feel upset if it were known that they only gave a small amount

Posted by: lindyxx2000 on 2010-03-10, 03:54:25

I think its a bit rude to ask for money, but if people know hve lived together for 4 years they will know u prob have everything u need and might just give money anyway, u could alwaysask for travel vouchers, which could go towards your honeymoon, I dont think thats as bad as asking for money

Posted by: Me on 2010-03-10, 04:08:20

It is very rude and tacky to ask for money as gifts. Please do not have a money tree, wishing well, etc. Your wedding should not be treated as a fun raiser for your honeymoon. If you can not afford a honeymoon either postpone it or scale back on your plans. Most of your guests know you have been living together. I would assume they would know that you do not need another set of dishes or a toaster. More likely than not, they will end up giving you money anyway. Also have your family and bridal party suggest a cash gift if they are asked what you need. Only if they are asked.

Posted by: fizzy stuff on 2010-03-10, 04:15:49

It is rude and offensive. If you have everything you need, then dont register. If your guests want to give you money, they will -- you do not need to suggest or hint to them. Making requests for money in any way, shape or form is absolutely rude. Furthermore, your honeymoon is your responsibility, not your guests.

Posted by: Jenny Lynne on 2010-03-10, 04:23:28

This is definetly not done. Extremely poor wedding etiquette. You invite people to your wedding as guests and they do not have to bring a gift,although most people are kind enough to. They will know that you have been living together and will probably give cash or gift cards anyway. Accept whatever you are given with grace and a smile.

Posted by: imara219 on 2010-03-10, 04:42:37

What's odd is that your suggestion isn't odd at all. It depends on your family and how they are, for example, most of our guests are ignoring the gift registry and want to bring money. That's just how it is. Now, they probably wouldn't like the tree idea because it's too public. If they want to give money usually it's done in a white envelope so others won't know how much they gave, but I do know of some friends who are having money trees at their wedding and I don't see a problem with it. It really depends on how your family will receive it, and if that's something they won't mind or will think is tacky.

Posted by: Marry Me - The Wedding Planners on 2010-03-10, 04:43:54

I think it's a bit rude. Save up and go for a honey Moon later in the year.

Posted by: ShortStuff on 2010-03-10, 04:47:52

My friend got married last year & had the same problem. They went to a large travel agency & opened an account with them so that people could just go in & pay an amount as small or large as they wished into their honeymoon fund. They had no record of who gave what, if anything, & any money that was left over from the holiday they had booked paid for little extras, like Champagne in the room when they arrived or trips out. They had a lovely wedding day & honeymoon. I think most people gave more in the end as they knew there would be no record!

Posted by: Shelley C on 2010-03-10, 04:53:54

I have not heard of a money tree. Some ppl think its rude to ask for money as a gift. I myself am getting married in April next year and have lived with my partner for 4 years so do not need gifts. We have made up a poem asking in a kind way for contributions towards a deposit on a house. Some may think its rude, but i have been to weddings and given cash as thats what was asked. I think ppl should get with the times, this isnt the old days when there was a tradition for everything! People are alot more materialistic and cut throat now and thats the way it is. I don't take offence to giving a monetary gift, after all, you are being asked to their wedding and you will be buying something anyway so what better way for the bride and groom to pick something that they want and really need. I think if people take offence to being asked - they shouldn't go!

Posted by: boohndave on 2010-03-10, 05:00:39

Well love I don't think that it is that unusual actually. Nearly every wedding I have been to has had a wishing well. It is usually left open so people can either give $ into the wishing well or they can leave a gift on the table. Of course all of the etiquette nazi's will say 'how tacky " etc but I think it is just a sign of the times. Most people nowadays have lived out of home for awhile and usually with each other for at least a year (usually more) before marrying. So most people have all of the essentials anyway and people know that. Having a wishing well also reduces the stress and time some people invest in picking a gift for you - especially if they have no idea of your taste or what you actually want/ need. I would go with the wishing well not the tree, more subtle and whimsical anyway. And secure. Let people have a choice, some people may already have the perfect gift or have been busy making it since they heard you set a date! lol! Also people respect your decision more if they know what you are going to spend the money on. Be it a honeymoon, or a special trip. Maybe for house renovations or maybe for a large household item. eg a chest freezer or a new lounge or a new bed! Where I come from we dont have gift registry. I think that they could be considered a bit rude and tacky too really.

Posted by: seamstress on 2010-03-10, 05:08:50

It really is too bad you cannot afford a honeymoon. But even worse that you expect others to give you money so you can complete your wedding plans. Good Grief! If you cannot afford to get married and pay for everything from invitations to a honeymoon, perhaps you should have waited until you could afford it all yourselves or just do without. A money tree is a horrible idea and is so low class it is embarrassing. I realize it is hard for you to be objective right now, but, how would you like it if you were invited to a wedding and asked for cash because the bride and groom could not afford a honeymoon?? Would you show up with $100.00?? Funny thing, most brides want traditional weddings with all the fixings along with all the commercially invented 'must haves' for their wedding day. Yet they break all tradition by living together, setting up house and thereby being oh so tacky to have the audacity to ask for cash because they 'have' everything. Ugh!!

Posted by: nova_queen_28 on 2010-03-10, 05:30:33

Its rude, rude, rude. If I were invited to a wedding where the couple were soliciting for money gifts -- which is usually what I give -- I'd either be out shopping for some item to gift them or I'd buy them an etiquette book and put a sticky note on the page that says asking for money as a gift is rude.

Posted by: CorpCityGrl on 2010-03-10, 06:02:42

Come on! Here are a few points... - Just because you live together doesn't mean you don't need anything. There are always things that could be replaced or upgraded or maybe things you'd like but never bought for yourselves. Linens, towels, sheets, rugs, utensils, appliances are all things that can be upgraded even if you live together. So, I think it's a little out there when people who live together say "we have everything " because you aren't thinking outside the box. - If you cannot afford a honeymoon, you SHOULD NOT expect guests to foot that bill for you. It is YOUR responsibility to save for a honeymoon and you should not be putting that onus on guests. - Simply having a money tree at a wedding is downright rude and crass. Like other posters have said, presents are not mandatory and should be received with appreciation regardless of what it is. To dictate to guests that they should be giving you money is extremely presumptuous of you and tacky. Weddings are not money grab opportunities. It is an occasion to celebrate the union of two people and I think too many people lose focus of that by doing things like soliciting guests for money. If you can't afford it, then don't expect your guests to foot the bill for anything. You invite people to celebrate, not to fund parts of the wedding or your honeymoon. To be honest with you, my husband and I always give money as a wedding present and we are pretty generous. However, when couples solicit guests for money in that way (I have a friend who outright said they only want money and gave us a minimum of what we should give) we get completely turned off and end up writing a significantly smaller check or buy a generic present.